ANOTHER OPEN LETTER

 

another-open-letter

Basically you’re made out of the brightest stardust in the sky and I don’t really think you understand the beautiful potential that you possess; Like, you make me smile and yet also make me  want to drop down to my knees and praise every inch of skin that was crafted by the universe itself–and I just really appreciate you as a person.

You’re the kind of person that inspires paintings and poems but never gets the chance to read them and know what jewels are buried down deep beneath your soul. I find myself wanting you to hold me tight and let me trace your skin and paint your portrait on your body with my best oil pastels and brushes.

You are just…you’re this lovely person, with this lovely body, and this oh so lovely soul. And the whole crazy thing about this all is that you don’t even realize it! You’re so beautiful– absolutely breathtaking– and you don’t even know it.

So this is my vow–my promise if you will–I will show you, tell you, make it known to you how much I appreciate the holy temple that is yourself. Starting now. 

 

 

 

-onegirl

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Rambling.

rambling

And yet here I find myself trying to formulate a string of words that can explain a fraction of what I’m starting to feel again. My hands are restless as if they have a mind of their own and I know that I’ll start rambling on about trivial things the minute I finally get to hold you. My mind seems to go light years ahead of our time and I’m planning for a future with you that may cease to exist but I’ll never know–because looking at you cuts off my peripheral vision and maybe that’s okay. For the first time I am allowing myself to feel something for someone other than spite and I want nothing more than to protect you from the things that go bump in the night. If I could pick up the paintbrush and create a water colored canvas of a new world with you and I and no pain, I would. But just as much as I want to protect you, can you shelter me? It’s a question that I’ve been searching through others to find and my friend, my body count has seemed to have piled on–yet I have been left for dead. With you, I can safely say the answer to my question is yes. The idea of infatuation and love has always been silly to me, but with you it has become a possibility–and I’m sorry I ramble on about the sky and how small we are compared to our universe…these things keep me sane. I usually use my words to combat the feelings that inch their way up my neck and paw at my bare skin, but now standing here in your presence I am finally speechless. So I am terribly sorry for this rambling, but how can you say one thing to a person that has provided so much in so little time? How can I formulate a string of words that truly conveys how I feel in this moment looking at you from across this room? 

 

This is how I’m feeling at the moment, and I mean every word.

-onegirl

EXODUS: 4

exodus-4

I could feel the bile rising in my throat, my vision was becoming blurry and my jaw ached from clenching it so hard. The bag containing our takeout laid by my feet with its’ contents spilled about; you couldn’t see me–and maybe that was a good thing. You didn’t see the way my body shook as I tried to hold back the sobs threatening to escape their confines; you were too busy inhaling the person sprawled across your living room couch.

I watched you graze your fingertips over their exposed skin, I watched them nip at your neck and your eyes roll back into your skull with pleasure washing over your face. I stood there outside your house watching my soul shatter into a million pieces. I was paralyzed with so many emotions that I couldn’t even make sense of, that is until you pulled away from them and saw me.

You frowned ever so slightly before untangling yourself from the couch and moving towards the window, I turned and ran.

I heard the window slide open  behind me and the way you yelled my name stabbed me in the chest. With each leap I took I allowed the tears to flow from my eyes–this pain urged me to run faster–to forget that you never even knew how much I had wanted to love you.

 

 

We tend to think of ourselves more important than we really are

In your eyes, I was a confidant 

A lifelong friend 

At one point, a drunken mistake 

In my eyes, I was your soulmate 

You were my moon, my stars, and so much more 

We tend to think of ourselves more important than we really are

 

I know what you’re thinking, what the actual hell was this chapter??? Well, keep in mind that I said this story is just snapshots of these two peoples lives–it may not follow a linear path. This whole thing could be out of order, that’s all up to the reader’s interpretation. I will say that there are still a lot more chapters in this story–this is not the end…or is it? It was definitely a little bit harder to write this chapter considering how sweet the other three are. Also don’t listen to Skinny Love while reading this because I just bawled my eyes out. Happy reading kiddos!

-One girl