Sensations

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I just think it’s weird how one thing changes how you feel, how you see everything. I feel different, it’s not a drastic change, but I do feel different.

I feel like I’m viewed differently now, not in a bad way or anything; just with a new set of eyes that scrutinize a bit more closely. The way they set it up makes it seem like your entire world shifts once it happens.

But it doesn’t—you just feel a little different. It’s like seeing a contrast in colors you didn’t really notice before, it’s kind of beautiful.

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XOXO

xoxo

Today I learned that this blog– my safe place–was shared without my knowledge or consent, and I have never felt more uncomfortable in my life. I have no anger or resentment in my heart, no hatred. Just confusion and hurt; what do you get out of this?

A look into my personal anecdotes? My mediocre writing? I have made it virtually impossible to find this little world of mine, that was on purpose. The beauty of being able to freely express the small dither and droning of my mind has now been taken from me. I fear I’ll have to censor myself or else you’ll make a mockery of my work.

So there, are you happy? Is this what you wanted? I just don’t understand, honestly I don’t. In what twisted world is it right to pry into the privacy of another? The funny thing is, I have no ounce of care anymore–I’m tired of the drama. I only write this to make the message clear:

I know what you’ve said, what you’ve done and I pray that Karma/God/Fate will have mercy on your soul, but maybe your heart is still true in its own kind of way. I will not retaliate, why should I when a much greater force will sort it out for me?

retrospect

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You are not a bad person for standing strong in your convictions, for standing up for yourself.

And you are certainly not bad for keeping some at arms length rather than sharing every detail of your life. That is healthy, that is how one should live. It is not wrong to have your own secrets.

It is not wrong to keep them at bay. That does not equate to shutting people out.

things I wish I’d known a long time ago

Alternative Modes

 

glow

It’s weird  to know that new people in your life make you unconditionally happy. To have people that understand you as well as being able to handle all of the different parts of you.

There is some regret/guilt that comes along with growing closer to new people, but there is also this beautiful sensation of freedom. It’s not like you don’t care for the other people but more so like you don’t have to only care about them. You have the capacity to be with other people and actually enjoy yourself.

It’s a rewarding feeling and I’m glad I finally have it now.