Step 1

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I don’t know I just get really frustrated with how the world works sometimes. Isn’t it funny how there’s more sad poetry in the world than joyful ones? How we relate to the melancholy more than stanzas filled with hope.

It’s as if sadness is the default emotion, and I don’t know why but that angers me. Maybe it’s because of where I am currently in my life; it’s a good place. Before I don’t think this all would have bothered me but right now, in this point in time, it does.

The idea that we describe ourselves as “broken” or “damaged” to other people makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs. The self-proclaimed “grenade” title is the beautifully intricate way we describe ourselves. It’s how I still describe myself at times.

But I’m tired. I am so so tired of being sad; I have fight left in me, I know this. I refuse to let myself get swallowed whole again and I can’t just sit here and watch the people around me do it instead.

Something my mother told me really stuck with me,”Heartbreak feels like it lasts forever but one day you wake up married and have two beautiful daughters.” Sometimes I wish I had known that 4 months ago, that I’d find the person in my life right now and everything would work out. It makes you sit there and wonder why no one else sees it that way.

There’s a word for it, Relative Deprivation; the mindset one has when comparing their own life with others around them and seeing it as mundane or unfulfilling. But as cliche as this may sound, life is beautiful.

And if people would just take a second and look around, be a little less cynical and cruel to themselves, they be surprised at what they find.

But I promise you, sadness is not all that you are. It is merely an adjective, an emotion. It does not make up your entire being. I know it feels that way but one day it won’t sting as much. One day your heart is going to beat a little faster when you see that one person and you’re going wonder how you ever felt anything but happiness before.

The first step is letting them go.

 

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