And yet here I find myself trying to formulate a string of words that can explain a fraction of what I’m starting to feel again. My hands are restless as if they have a mind of their own and I know that I’ll start rambling on about trivial things the minute I finally get to hold you. My mind seems to go light years ahead of our time and I’m planning for a future with you that may cease to exist but I’ll never know–because looking at you cuts off my peripheral vision and maybe that’s okay. For the first time I am allowing myself to feel something for someone other than spite and I want nothing more than to protect you from the things that go bump in the night. If I could pick up the paintbrush and create a water colored canvas of a new world with you and I and no pain, I would. But just as much as I want to protect you, can you shelter me? It’s a question that I’ve been searching through others to find and my friend, my body count has seemed to have piled on–yet I have been left for dead. With you, I can safely say the answer to my question is yes. The idea of infatuation and love has always been silly to me, but with you it has become a possibility–and I’m sorry I ramble on about the sky and how small we are compared to our universe…these things keep me sane. I usually use my words to combat the feelings that inch their way up my neck and paw at my bare skin, but now standing here in your presence I am finally speechless. So I am terribly sorry for this rambling, but how can you say one thing to a person that has provided so much in so little time? How can I formulate a string of words that truly conveys how I feel in this moment looking at you from across this room?
This is how I’m feeling at the moment, and I mean every word.