I Should Tell You.

tumblr_o4lp89lsee1v724eto1_500Dear you,

I miss you us. Honestly, I don’t know what happened…I really don’t. You know how you can just feel a change within a person? I felt that with you, and I couldn’t pinpoint the exact source–so I avoided you. I know we wouldn’t have been more than friends, I know this. So why does it hurt so much? Gosh, I sound manipulative. I don’t want you to feel bad or guilty ok? I just need to tell you this.

I cared about you a lot; I made the mistake of believing I was more special to you than I really am was. I can’t just avoid you either, too many mutual friends reside between us. I told you so many things the first day I met you that take me months to tell others. You looked at me in a way that made me feel understood–accepted.

But maybe I just assumed too much ya know? I tried so hard. So so so so so so damn hard not to feel anything. That just made it worst–the emotions spewed out. For a moment it was amazing to feel that way; I’d forgotten how great it felt to adore someone so fiercely and openly. I was never sad around you, but I knew that if I needed to be I could–which is important to me.

I miss your eyes. I find myself looking for them, only to be disappointed. Do you remember when I could barely meet your gaze while talking? Now, I stare down every person I encounter to see if I can recreate the same feeling before. I can’t. I swear I saw your soul; it shimmered like the stars and was doused in watercolors, all the laughs that had escaped your lips before were artfully scattered atop the surface with all of the memories you held near and dear to your heart.

Every time you looked me in the eyes, that’s all I could see. I miss that. I miss hugging you and feeling like I’d known you my entire life. But that’s not what I wanted to tell you. Yes, you may scoff–I just wasted all this time to tell you what I really needed to say.

Thank you. Thank you for showing me a glimpse of what I deserve in life, teaching me the way I should be treated. I was so used to doing stuff for others that even the smallest things you did impressed surprised me. Thank you for this. Also another thing, something within me tells me that in another life we end up together. Call it wishful thinking, but anytime I talked to you I felt this underlying sense of nostalgia–and I think that’s beautiful.

I think that you’re beautiful.

-onegirl

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